Navigating Relationships

Speaker 1 0:00

Hey, what's up y'all? Welcome back to the Sit Down Talk podcast, and today we're going to talk about something that most couples don't really talk about that much.

Speaker 2 0:08

What do you need from me right now? Sounds simple, but if you've ever struggled to answer that, you're not alone, nah, you're not.

Speaker 1 0:15

Asking somebody what do you need from me right now? Sometimes we don't know what we need, let alone know how to ask for it. And when we do, do man decoding that answer is like a whole nother thing.

Speaker 2 0:28

So today we're gonna dive right into it. How do you actually figure out what you need, how do you communicate it and, most importantly, how do you support your partner without losing yourself in the process?

Speaker 1 0:38

oh, talk about that. Yeah, we will right here, let's get into it. This is sit down, talk, let's go. Hey, we, just how are you man? We are in a good mood today yeah today is a mood of goodness and I am abundantly thankful. Come on, let's.

Speaker 2 0:51

Let's what we talk, what we told you want to enjoy today yeah, today's topic is really coming from a question, and a lot of it I mean a lot of it, of course is going to stem from our relationship and how we kind of help each other in a relationship, how we we support each other in a relationship. But a question that keeps popping into my mind is like what do I need from you? Not only is that a hard question for me to answer when he asks, I also think it's a hard question to decipher, even when you get the answer from your partner. But like, how do we get to a place Because Kira and I aren't even there yet where I think that I at least answer the question adequately, because I don't even know the answer myself?

Speaker 1 1:27

in terms of what you need, what I need. It depends. Sometimes you can answer it a little bit better than others, because sometimes it's um, it's like multifactorial, it's. It's a lot of things to consider. What do I need in the sense of what, physically, emotionally?

Speaker 2 1:41

yeah or what do you see that? I don't see. You know like it's. There's so many ways to communicate that question and that answer and I kind of want to walk through how we kind of do it and then also try to answer the question at the end, like what do we need? Kind of walking into the new year as far as support from our partner right now, because things are about to change.

Speaker 1 2:01

Cares on the heels of a million followers by the time y, the time y'all see this, we should be at one million.

Speaker 2 2:06

And when I tell you this year has been a tough year, us trying to figure out this space. And who are we together, who is he individually Do I have a lane for myself and I just feel like reaching that one million mark it's really going to open some doors and it's going to give him the freedom to really try to figure out where do you want to go next. You know you can leverage that with brand deals, you can leverage that with speaking engagements.

Speaker 2 2:31

You can leverage that with the book that's coming out yeah, I'm writing a book yes, so much is happening, but um and everything is happening quickly, so I think this is a much needed conversation anyway yeah, and I'll add to that.

Speaker 1 2:43

It's hard for me to answer the question because I think in some parts, the way that I was raised and I think in other parts the way my brain is oriented. My brain is a little fixated with negativity sometimes and it's easier for me to tell you what I don't like and I know I've said this here before. It's easier for me to tell you what I don't like than what I do, and I don't have a lot of practice just searching my mind and searching my heart and trying to figure out what's missing. And then what's even harder for me is to ask you to help fill in the gaps of what's needed.

Speaker 1 3:13

I'm a lot yeah, I'm hyper independent to a fault a lot of the times. So, uh, this is gonna be a real life conversation because I don't really know what I need, but I, I'm, I'm down for talking through it and figuring something out.

Speaker 2 3:25

Let's talk through it. Yeah, so before we head straight into the question, why don't we do a check on where we're at in the relationship?

Speaker 1 3:33

Okay.

Speaker 2 3:33

Do you feel supported?

Speaker 1 3:35

Yeah, yeah, I do, I feel supported. I feel supported because it's like two parts of me. It's the businessman, brand, entrepreneur, entrepreneur owner, ceo, all the stuff. I feel super supportive. Noemi, of course, she do her stay-at-home mom thing, but she's also like the co-pilot on this airplane. If I'm right here on the left holding the gears, she right there on the right holding the gears. We consult each other for everything. This is definitely a business that we run together, um, and she has a lot of large amount of input on what goes on and how it works. So I feel supported in that regard. In terms of just like personal, yeah, I feel supported and I'll put this caveat like as much as I can be in the moment, yeah, I don't know how much you can do for me outside of what you're already doing, right, um, and the kids take up so much and I don't blame you for that, because I know it's times when you want to be with me and the kids.

Speaker 2 4:29

They in the way right now.

Speaker 1 4:31

Yeah, they in the way and she was like I just want to hold you and I'm like I know I got kids and she's like damn, that's why I don't date dudes with kids. I'm like I know it's terrible, but it's it's especially active fathers.

Speaker 2 4:44

Yes, no time. Nah, we don't got no voice.

Speaker 1 4:47

Y'all don't know what this struggle is like but, um, I feel like you're there for me as much as you can be like. Sometimes you're just like babe, you ain't eat. You want me to order lunch or you want me to like that. That works. Or sometimes I'm like I just need a hug. You know I'm getting better at asking for physical affection.

Speaker 1 5:01

Yeah so you're definitely a physical like affection type I am but when you, but also I recognize that in many ways you're not, I'm not, you're not and also you be touched out like I'll be talked out, so I gotta that is really good.

Speaker 2 5:17

I never thought about it that way yeah.

Speaker 1 5:18

That's why now, when you be like baby I'm, I'm down to like ramble about my brain right now, you want to hear, and I still. A lot of times, the answer be no, I don't want to hear.

Speaker 2 5:26

Yeah, but I don't you answering your face before you answer. But I don't take it personally.

Speaker 1 5:32

Like I'm having quiet time. Please don't yak me to death, but sometimes, even though I'm not in the mood, I see that you're excited and I'm willing to take a step back and let you have that space, regardless of how so yeah, I mean it's give and take man.

Speaker 1 5:45

But uh, yeah, I feel as supported as I can be. One thing I'll say this here on the sit down talk that I'm thankful for the sexual relationship. I'm taking care of man and I know the whole thing. I read bell hooks and I know men feel entitled to sex. That ain't what. This is All right, but I'm thankful that I'm not in a space, even with all this stuff going on in my life, where sex is some type of well. If you do the dishes more than maybe we'll Like, I get why that exists. Yeah, yeah, yeah, you know, but we don't got nothing like that and I'm glad it's not. I know that it's something that we mutually enjoy. I know it's something that mutually gratifies us.

Speaker 1 6:26

I'm just, I wasn't mature it's cool, it's fine, and I know your mom, I know your mom watching my mom's like yes, take care of that man yeah, she, she, she's pro I taught her well, yeah, she's very pro, too, too pro like the fallback we got.

Support and Self-Care in Relationships

Speaker 1 6:42

We good over here we go to your mama be cool on that, but, um, yeah, man, uh, that that helps a lot. Yeah, yeah, and you know how to fall back yeah you know when to push in. You know when to give criticism yeah you know uh. So yeah, I feel like I feel good I feel like we're also the same.

Speaker 2 7:01

First of all, I hate hustle, hate, hustle culture. I hate that term, but we are in a grinding kind of space, and one thing that I love about Keir is him and I are on the same page when it comes to getting business done. Neither one of us vote Independently. We have always been those kind of people. Let's get it done.

Speaker 1 7:21

Highly ambitious. That's how we've been Highly ambitious.

Speaker 2 7:24

Maybe not gunner, but if I'm going to put my name on it, it's going to be done right at the end of the day. Got to look decent, yeah. And I think that us both having that personality is really helpful because, like, we get it done and that's that's one thing that I'm always confident in our relationship is like, whatever needs to be done, kira and I are going to figure it out and we're going to get it done. The process might not be cute, I don't know what we're going to feel like afterwards.

Speaker 2 7:48

And we can also separate the personal from the professional when it comes to getting stuff done. Everybody can't do that, and we couldn't always do that.

Speaker 1 7:56

It took a lot of practice?

Speaker 2 7:57

Yeah, it did. It took a lot of. You want me to answer the question.

Speaker 1 8:00

Yeah, how do you feel? Do you feel? Don't? Don't let my answer influence yours. You could be like, nah, you ain't supporting me, dog.

Speaker 2 8:12

So, to be honest, I'm going to say I'm going to say it the same way that you said it before I think you are supporting me as much as you can right now.

Speaker 2 8:17

But going back to like the grind culture and me mentioning before, like here's, you know, literally days away from a million followers at this point, and I just think that, like, he has really put his foot on the gas when it came to his career and I and in a way, I still feel like that's you taking care of me because I don't pay bills, you know, let's, let's, let's just keep it a thousand at this point.

Speaker 2 8:40

I'm not, I'm not paying no bills, I'm just spending money at this point. So it's just like the ways that I think I need more support is, like I need to get food out to Florida so somebody can take care of me. You know what I mean. Like I need somebody to like make meals for the week and stuff like that. But as far as me not feeling bad about, you know, like ordering DoorDash three times this week or, you know, taking myself out to lunch because a day has been overwhelming, like I think that you give me the room and the space to take care of myself, because at this point it's not, it's really not your job to take care of me, like in this way.

Speaker 1 9:16

And what I say. What I say. Thank you for that. That's so liberating. You just set me free with that, because I think the overwhelming voice just as a boy who grew into a man is your wife is not your mother. You cannot require the things out of your wife that you require out of your mother. That's a double standard. You don't have that same thing. It is perfectly okay for you to require the things out of me that you would require from a father. Yeah, and nobody bats an eyelash it's like an expectation.

Speaker 1 9:44

It isn't it's an over expectation and when you don't meet that expectation as a man, you were punished by your partner in society, and it's so unfair. There are ways that I can't take care of you, I can't be your mom. Yeah, I can't do that and you know how easy it will be for you to blame me for that and treat me in a certain way and make me feel like less of a man for not assuming a position that was never mine to take hold of.

Speaker 2 10:05

That's real yeah, it happens all the time in people's relationships. I've never even thought about that it's a crazy double standard.

Speaker 1 10:12

It's one of many double standards.

Speaker 2 10:13

We're so ridiculous as humans I swear, the more that we talk, the more I realize like certain privileges that I had growing up because it's like I'm even thinking about. Like my parents, like like my dad didn't really take it. My dad was there to support, but my mom had her sisters. My mom had her friends Like she didn't require, like her entire life was not like me, and my dad Like she hadn't. My mom used to go on girls trips Like she'd be gone in the Bahamas with her girls. I wouldn't even know. You know what's going on, and I think my mom did a really good job at taking care of herself. I mean, I don't know why, how she got there, but I grew up with the example of like you, being able to take or at least refill yourself from different parts of your life. Everything can't be in one. My mom used to always tell me like your man should never be your everything.

Speaker 1 11:02

Like she always was, not even a man, man. That makes you make so much sense, because if I was, your everything, this relationship wouldn't work, especially right now.

Speaker 2 11:10

You know how hard it would be. Right now. You hitting a million.

Speaker 1 11:12

I got 500 subscribers oh, the jealousy between partners in the relationship. It'd be crazy and it'd be so bad and I think you would put too much on me to do all of this and still do all of that at the same clip, and that's that would. I think that would be too much for me. I would try, yeah, and I would die trying, but the key word there is die, die we don't need that right now.

Speaker 1 11:33

We need, we need, we need you here no, I need to be alive and well man um, but yeah, going back to the question, I do.

Speaker 2 11:39

I do think you take care of me. I think that you are the best way that I think that you take care of me. I think that you are the best way that I think that you take care of me right now is that you are. You're a safe place to land for me, because I'm having a lot of just to keep it a thousand with you. I'm just having a lot of feelings, like every. I just got a lot of feelings. I'm in an uh, it's a really tender time.

Speaker 2 12:00

It's almost two years since I left left my job as a lawyer. I don't feel connected to the law at all. I don't feel connected to such a large part of my life, like everything that I did before 30, outside of the friends that I still have, like everything is so different and I'm learning, like the life that I'm living now is not only a life that I never expected to live, but it's a life I never even planned to live. It's not even the dream I mean, it's better than my dream, to be honest with you but it's a lot of me trying to figure out navigating, being a stay-at-home mom to two kids. Navigating, being an entrepreneur, navigating not necessarily having a job that I have my own money, making your own money.

Speaker 1 12:42

That's a big deal, right.

Speaker 2 12:43

We have long-term goals. We're investing a lot of money, a lot of time into yes, it's our business, but it's still your front-facing career and it's just like as a woman who's highly ambitious. I honestly thought it would be more difficult for me than it is.

Speaker 1 12:58

I thought it would be harder for you too.

Speaker 2 12:59

And that's not the hard part. The hard part is, Because I care about my family so much and because I care about this business so much, is that I'm not taking as much time even outside of my own business. Just take care of knowing me. The person I think I'm so focused on okay, like, how can I help? How can I do this? How can I take this off of your plate? How can I make sure the kids are ahead here? And it's like wait a second.

Speaker 1 13:21

Like hey, boo, are you okay, my girl are you?

Speaker 2 13:23

okay. So I think like, yes, you are doing like I. I don't know that there's anything like that I need for you to do.

Speaker 1 13:33

I think I just need for you to kind of remind me who I am, because I'm yeah it's such a strange place yeah, and I got you in that because I see that and like some of the things that I do on my side, that I don't. I don't know if, you see, you don't necessarily have to, but I I know that you feel that way. So sometimes I'll just randomly tell, knowing me, like hey, like you're doing a good job, you're doing enough, even if it don't feel that way.

Speaker 1 13:55

And she'll fight me sometimes yeah, she'll fight me a little bit sometimes, but lately she's been doing a good job and just like she'll be about to fight me on that, you know what? Thank you, I'll be like babe, take the compliment take the compliment.

Speaker 2 14:05

Take the compliment.

Speaker 1 14:07

And because I've you like me, you're a hard worker, you like working for your money, like seeing your money in your hand, and I think to give that up in order for a life that does feel more fulfilling in the long run.

Speaker 1 14:21

I don't think that sense of fulfillment exists to the elimination of all the smaller difficulties and the adjustment from where you were to where you are. Real talk, though. I encourage you on doing things that make you feel good, like the vlog. Yeah, you know, I just try to be a thought partner for you. I try not to give you a whole bunch of suggestions either either way, and I try to make sure you always feel that's what it is. I try to make sure you always feel included. I mention you everywhere. I always say hey, we, if you hear me, I never say I, we, this, what we doing, we doing this, we doing this. I don't ever want you to feel like, in all of this Hollywood and all of the stuff I'm involved in, that you being left behind yeah, I don't ever want you to feel that way that is not a huge fear or or concern of mine, but it is a realistic thing.

Speaker 2 15:07

That happened in these spaces and and I think that I have seen how you include me in everything and I love how you do that and I'm glad that you're doing that, because if you didn't, it only takes one instance for me to not feel included for all of those thoughts to come into my head. So it is. I mean it's-.

Speaker 1 15:23

I mean we've had that happen before. We've had that happen before.

Speaker 2 15:28

But yeah, I'm trying to think like, what do I need from you? I think I just I need. I need you to continue to be my thought partner, I need you to basically just continue to be by my side while I'm trying to figure, figure this out, because I think, career wise, this is the biggest point of separation for us. Like I think you're about to go off and do some amazing yeah, I feel like coming, something big is about to happen as much as I love the sit-down talk, I think what's happening is way bigger than this.

Speaker 2 15:55

You know what I mean this is. This is something that's going to be its own thing and cure gains the brand is just like going somewhere yeah, and I'm taking y'all with me.

Speaker 1 16:03

You know it, don't it? Don't feel the same, like. Like, keep in mind, no matter where I go, this is my hub. I remember one of my homies was getting married Quick story time. I remember one of my homies was getting married and him and his mom have a really unique relationship, a lot of dependence on him from her. She depends on him a lot, and too much so in some junctures.

Speaker 1 16:25

Mom was taking forever to get to the wedding. Wedding was, I mean, delayed. It was getting crazy. Uh, future wife was getting upset and I had to talk with him and he's like yo, I gotta wait for my mom to get it. And I'm like, bro, it's like you're getting married. Now, when you get married, the hub you had before your mom, your dad, your brothers, your sisters, that was your hub, this is your hub. Now, the only thing that matters for real is you and her. You gotta start the wedding, bro, gotta start the wedding. Thankfully, mom walked in. I don't know if that was the best advice, but as a married man like you gotta realize, once you get married, that is your family, that's your hub, that's your focal point.

Speaker 2 17:02

Now, um, I think that was good advice just for my, like my friends, you hear this story all the time, like how do you manage the relationship with your parents versus the relationship with your partner when you get married? And you know I could be tough I don't think that's just an issue with with a husband you know.

Speaker 1 17:19

No, of course, not of course, but like that.

Speaker 2 17:21

That's a really hard thing to like navigate. Do you feel like we've dealt with that at all?

Speaker 1 17:27

I mean, you don't have to deal with that from my side yeah but with your mom.

Speaker 2 17:30

Now your mom is real hands off yeah, and my parents don't live anywhere close to us.

Speaker 1 17:35

But they, they also. I think they trust me enough like it's been, it's been 10 years and I ain't fumbled the bag yet.

Speaker 1 17:43

Yeah, yeah, they their daughter's very well taken care of. They know they're well taken care of. They know, like the grandkids are well taken care of. I don't give them any reason to be alarmed about anything, and I think that's one of the secret ingredients in like these type of dynamics in a relationship is how much evidence have you put into your relationship that your partner doesn't have reason to worry about these things? I know she going to worry about whether or not she gets left behind.

Partner Support and Communication Tips

Speaker 1 18:10

So I mention her everywhere, and it's not just like a performative thing. I do it because I genuinely feel that way. I want you to know the way that I want you to know how I feel about this thing. I want her to know the way that I feel about this thing. So I mentioned it often. It's always on my mind at heart. I don't know what I need, cause it often it's always on my mind at heart. I don't know what I need because because I can easily be like I want to just be like, oh, just continue to do what you do, but that's not gonna work for me long term and I know that I'm gonna need more so how about?

Speaker 2 18:37

how about this? I think that this is a high level question and it's a. It's a question like, let's say, you're a couple listening to this and you're trying to get to that question. I think saying what do you need? I don't know, like most people don't know that's a tough question to answer.

Speaker 2 18:54

So maybe it's a like little thing, like I mean, this is like super, super basic, but it's like there's one thing that you can take off my plate just for the season. What would it be? You know? And I think that, starting with those smaller questions, because I feel like if you start with that high level question, it's going to be like everything that you've been waiting to say for the past two years. That just all kind of comes out and we've been there, we've been there and we've done that, and it's never been helpful.

Speaker 1 19:21

Everybody gets shot up.

Speaker 2 19:22

But like that's kind of like what we've been doing, like for the morning routine if I'm taking the kids to school, you always handle breakfast, and if you're taking the kids to school, I'll handle everything. You know what I mean, because I got to do hair anyway. So it's like I think sometimes with us, because we're both very analytical people, we don't necessarily have to have those conversations. We're creatures by habit. Once we realize something works, we just lean into that. But I think for some couples it is helpful to have those like just minor conversations to work yourself up to something deeper, versus going deep and then trying to go back from now, I like that.

Speaker 1 20:00

I think another good prompt is where do you see me struggling? Oh, that's a really yeah where do you, where do you see me struggling? Because I think it's one thing to approach your partner with a list of things that they're not doing. There is a very that's rooted in something that feels a little accusatory and a little blaming. I think a more neutral approach just to take the teeth off of that is to give them the power and the autonomy, like yo. Where do you see me struggling right now? I can't, yeah.

Speaker 2 20:25

I can't see it. Where do you see me?

Speaker 1 20:26

struggling right now. I can't yeah, I can't see it. Where do you see? Things just not working out for me and based on that response, I think that's a damn, that was my elbow. Based on that response, I think that's a good place to like start having a conversation about how somebody can lean in. But I also have the expectation that you're just leaning in, You're not completing anything for me. You may take some stuff off of my plate. Just leaning in, you're not completing anything for me. You may.

Speaker 1 20:50

You may take some stuff off of my plate but you're leaning in temporarily to help and then, once the help is, you know, once I'm not in critical danger red line with my life meter flashing above my head you lean back out but what if the question is to literally take something off my plate?

Speaker 2 21:04

I think then I think that's a different conversation.

Speaker 1 21:06

I think it's the same conversation, but it's. I don't think it's as cut and dry as okay, you used to do this thing, I'm going to do it now, because when you do that, that's too big of a jump. If it's not sustainable, it's going to create trust issues in your relationship, like, let's say, you're like I can't do the girl's hair in the morning anymore. I need you to do that.

Speaker 2 21:25

So that's you up tomorrow.

Navigating Changes in Parenthood

Speaker 1 21:26

I'm like, okay, I'm gonna do it because I want to step up to the bat, I want to prove to you that I'm a competent and capable partner. But that's not. I don't know how to do hair. I'm not confident in my hair abilities, I don't like to do hair. That's not realistic for me. So what's going to happen is I'm gonna wake up with all the zeal and energy the next day and I'm going to do some crazy pony puff that's going to look terrible, and then my confidence is going to get shot.

Speaker 1 21:48

The kids are going to hate the hair. You're going to hate the hair. You probably step in. Let me fix it a little bit, which undermines the idea of us doing this whole thing. And then I eventually don't do it anymore. And now you feel the way because you've explained to me the thing that needs to change and we tried and it didn't work. And it makes like I quit on something that I promised to do. So instead of doing that, I'm like I can't do hair every day, but I can get all the supplies in one place for you. I can clean them up after you leave, you know, or I can do something different, you know. I think it's about. Uh, it's not just a one shot deal. It's more of a negotiation between y'all to figure out not only what needs to be done but what realistically works for the bandwidth and the abilities of the person that has to take over oh, that's a bar.

Speaker 2 22:32

All right, I love that relationships be hard where do you see me struggling?

Speaker 1 22:35

I see you struggling the way that I think you take on too much sometimes, specifically when it comes to motherhood. I think you take on too much and I think you're one of those people that you find a way to get things done and I think that you lean on your ability to just get things done and I think that you can always increase your bandwidth to be able to tolerate whatever happens.

Speaker 1 22:59

Noemi's a rubber band this big and she can stretch around this house. But because you can stretch around the house doesn't mean that it's good for you, as necessary sometimes and I think you do a really good job of checking yourself before it becomes way too much. But I see you just taking on too much with motherhood because I think you have expectations from your childhood and how your childhood went, and you have dreams for these girls that are big. You want so much for them and I think sometimes you you're willing to so sacrifice a little bit more than I feel like you have to in the moment in order to get it done it comes from for me feeling like I need to be needed like you feel like you need to be needed by the girls, really in general like keep in mind, I was the fixer at my job oh, you do be like.

Speaker 1 23:46

Of course, I was the fixer.

Speaker 2 23:49

I was the person that everybody can depend on. I got accolades all the time for like launching this and being the lead of that, and whenever we need something, we know that Noemi is gonna, you know, step up and I have like that is burned into my DNA now that is burned into my personality. So, while being able to like post the thing and like I quit my job and I'm retired and like that was cool, but it's like I'm in a place where everybody is really taken care of, like you're a great father on the the. The days that I'm in bed and I don't feel good, or if I'm sick, the kids are fine, I'll be waking up the next day, the house be clean, everybody ate and I'm like, okay, so I don't feel good. Or if I'm sick, the kids are fine, I'll be waking up the next day, the house be clean, everybody ate and I'm like, okay, so I didn't.

Speaker 2 24:32

I wasn't really needed for bills, I'm not really needed for events you know what I mean and communication with our team. I'm not really needed. So it's just like how do you kind of reconcile, like you not being needed doesn't mean you're not important, but how am I? Okay to just chill when I really love being needed.

Speaker 1 24:54

Can I, can I push back on that please? I disagree that you're not needed.

Speaker 1 24:58

I think it's the way that you frame it in your mind fine, yeah, because you remember that time when you travel with emory alone and this wasn't one of the cares of super dad and husband junctions of our relationship. This was when she was telling me pretty frequently that I needed to step it up and um which I did not like, by the way, but looking back I see what she was talking about. But she traveled somewhere with Emery solo and she came back and she was like baby, I appreciate you so much. I didn't. She's paraphrasing. She said I didn't realize how much you're doing till. I didn't. She's paraphrasing. She said I didn't realize how much you do until.

Speaker 2 25:30

I didn't even have you there anymore.

Speaker 1 25:31

It's it's you. It's not that you're not needed, it's just it's not like at your job that if you disappear, everything goes to hell and falls off the face of the cliff, a face of the earth. But like I, none of this will. I can hold on for two days, maybe a week, while you're sick. Long term, nah, oh, I know Like I need you. It's just, the structure here is so solid that you can afford to step away for a bit without everything burning to the ground. But, babe, you are needed, and I know me telling you this doesn't fix the internal things that you think, but none of this works without you.

Speaker 2 26:10

But it's not the way that you probably want to be needed, right, yeah, and it's not like I think that everything will burn without no, I know it'll be fine, but it's like I'm somebody that values, like having a tangible contribution to something you know. And it's like I think what makes me so frustrated with this conversation, like, even when I tell people I'm gonna stay at home, you're more, I know, I know, I know I don't feel less than and maybe that's the problem that I'm not articulating how I feel they're also talking to themselves.

Speaker 1 26:36

They're not talking to you, and I hate it when people talk to themselves, and that's why.

Speaker 2 26:41

I don't share the reason. Why is so?

Speaker 2 26:43

that's why I share on YouTube and not in real life Because people can't project in real time or they can project in the comments and I can move on, yeah, but it's like my biggest issue is sometimes like being misunderstood and I've said it before like I'm off center, a little bit like we're all in the same space of where I'm feeling, but that's not quite it a lot of times and then I just feel silenced and I feel misunderstood and then I don't want to open up anymore.

Speaker 2 27:08

So like I think, like I don't know, it's definitely a struggle for me, but I'm just trying to figure out like what's a good fix, because it's it's. It's not that I think you're not capable, or like if I feel, like if I don't do something, that everything will be fine, if anything, it's more like I know that that people don't need me. I know that I mean Sydney's also not a baby anymore. She doesn't need me to. Like all of these things were happening at the same time me breastfeeding and taking care of a baby and quitting, and then getting a new house and furnishing the house. It's like there's nothing else for me to do and I'm bored.

Speaker 1 27:41

You remind me of the farmer who really enjoys the process of tilling the soil and putting all the little seeds in the ground and watering them and fertilizing them and like that's your, that's your bag.

Speaker 2 27:53

But now, like in a season when we don't need that.

Speaker 1 27:56

I mean you know those little seeds you planted, they grown to trees and they producing fruit. Now you know. Oh, I love that analogy and I hope you get to a point where you can just like enjoy the harvest, because this is we about to take a shift. I'm opposite of you. I hate all those things that you enjoy. Kids don't need me no more. Praise God, I love that. But as they get older, I think I see this with some of my clients who are moms. Actually, it's going to be a real struggle to try to find the sense of identity when your kids, not only do they not need you as much, but their lives independent of yours, they have their own things, own friends, own lives, own agendas. When these girls touch 16, 17 like they're not, they're not none of none of that they calling you just to hey, mom, I'll be home late tonight, that's it.

Speaker 1 28:45

You know, I'm trying to be with my friends. Oh, I can't wait, but I know that that's difficult. I can't wait. Please let that be tomorrow. I need that so bad, it's okay.

Speaker 2 28:57

I have a lot of friends into the same age you're crying, but it does make me emotional. I'm not gonna like boohoo, but it is like it's a tough thing. It's a really really tough kind of situation that like everybody has like a different feeling about motherhood and I think I'm in a space where, like motherhood is really like kicking people's ass, especially on the internet. Everybody's just like how frustrating, how tired they are and how much like they hate it and don't get me wrong it it's ghetto but I love it.

Speaker 2 29:25

Like my motherhood journey because of you, because of our tribe, is not as bad as it could be. Like I have a really supportive partner, I have a supportive tribe. My mom may not live here, but if I were to call her right, now she'll be here. She'll be here tonight.

Speaker 1 29:44

Depending on what time it is. It's happened before.

Speaker 2 29:46

It's happened before.

Speaker 1 29:47

She'll find a flight and come same day.

Speaker 2 29:48

Yeah, night, depending on what time it's happened before it's it's happened, she'll find a flight come same day. Yeah, my dad would too, you know. So it's like it's not that I don't feel support. Like what do I look like being a mom that's complaining about not feeling needed when mom's out here like, leave me the hell alone?

Speaker 2 29:59

yeah, they struggling got nothing to do with you and not to say that I don't have those same struggles, but it's like I feel like what I'm going through is so much deeper and I have so many different things happening at the same time. Yeah, leaving a lucrative career being the support, you know, of somebody who's about to be like huge, you know, entertainment wise, like celebrity wise, yes, and that's like so exciting, but like it's just a lot of cheering on for everybody here and it's like, oh, you know, know I don't know what that feels.

Speaker 2 30:29

Not that I want somebody to cheer for me, but it's just like well, what's my thing, that's just mine I.

Speaker 1 30:34

One thing I like about you, though, is you don't try to rush to what your next thing is. You're very patient and allowing it to come to you. You're very experimental, like you'll try some stuff. I'm like okay, that was cool, like december, down with the, we get me cooking, let's see what I don't really like that. Yeah, uh, let's try this let's try a little coaching that was cool. I don't really like that.

Speaker 1 30:55

Like you're fine dab yeah, I love to and you don't throw your whole ass into something without really knowing whether or not that's what you want to do so many people throw the baby out with the bath water. Just, you know the whole thing at one time like, oh take your time, bro. But you, I think you do a good job of pacing yourself and trying to figure out what makes sense yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 31:17

So, even though that's still fun for me, what process? Just process of figuring out figuring it out.

Speaker 1 31:21

I do it.

Speaker 2 31:22

I like the process of dabbling is cool, but it's just like okay, well, girl, you done dabbled for two years, what's up?

Speaker 1 31:29

Professional dabbler Professional.

Speaker 2 31:31

I mean honestly, I've had 15 different jobs, but yeah.

Speaker 1 31:35

So what do you need?

Speaker 2 31:36

I don't need anything new, I just need you to continue to show me grace. I need you to give me pockets of time, like continue to do the like hey, you're doing good, but like let's sit down and talk about it. Like, where do you want to go? I think like a lot of times, because I dabble so much, people don't realize what my like big goals are and when they hear it, they're like, oh, you wanted to do that.

Speaker 2 32:00

And it's like, yeah, well, I don't know, I need to talk through it. And I think a lot of times people have like these huge goals. You know, people are like I want to make a million dollars next year. It's like what are you doing in order to get to?

Speaker 2 32:11

that goal, like that's a goal, but is it a tangible goal? And I just feel like I want to have more conversations about tangible goals, but people are so caught up in that you can do whatever you want, I know, I know. But like I don't necessarily want to make a thousand a million dollars next year, but like how can I make, you know, six figures in brand deals or five figures in brand deals next year?

Speaker 2 32:33

Or like I'm doing a simmer down diaries, like do I want it, like do I want this to be something that I get you know? Paid for YouTube monetization? I don't know yet, but it's like I don't allow, not allow myself. I haven't gone there to have those conversations yet and I would love to have Conversations with yourself. With myself or with you as my business partner?

Navigating Communication and Self-Expression

Speaker 2 32:53

You know, what I mean. But it's just like people love the fact that I'm doing this on my own, but there's definitely a greater goal that I haven't really fleshed out yet and because I'm in such a transitional space, I need somebody on the outside looking in to let me know, like, where they kind of see this heading, so that I can see what's possible yeah for sure, I can definitely do that.

Speaker 1 33:12

Sometimes you gotta walk toward the thing before you realize like what it looks like. You gotta get a little bit closer to it and I think you are like that too oh, one thousand percent even right now, like talking about the career thing.

Speaker 2 33:23

We were what were we just talking about tv show? I don't know. We were talking about this big on. You were like one day and I'm like we didn't even know we would hit a million right now One day could be in three months.

Speaker 1 33:33

One day could be in three months One day could really be.

Speaker 2 33:35

It takes one conversation with the right person to open that door.

Speaker 1 33:40

And my goals ain't really. My goals are more so. I don't worry about what's behind the door, that's behind the door, that's behind the door, that's behind the door. I'm just worried about the door right in front of me, and once I open that joint up, I'll make another assessment in which direction?

Speaker 2 33:54

I want to go, but this man got three doors in front of him. He's like what the hell is going on Touch one now.

Speaker 1 34:00

Ooh, it's a little hot. You're a lot more cautious than I am. Yeah, I'll be jumping out the water. I mean, we're in two different positions, though I can't you. You in a position where you, like you're dabbling is for your creative endeavors, it's to feed your soul, it's to maintain a sense of being and relevance, and all of those things.

Speaker 2 34:24

Mine is to feed my family yeah, you know, I'm saying, I don't know what that pressure, yeah it's.

Speaker 1 34:29

creating is different when you create and feed my family. Yeah, you know what I'm saying. I don't know what that pressure is. Yeah, creating is different when you're creating to feed your family. It's whether I want to.

Speaker 2 34:37

As soon as I stop this, I got to do a creative concept for them for a brand deal we just got the other day. Oh, shoot, don't worry about it, I'm going to knock it out. Okay, you see it out. It's gonna be cool, but that's what I'm saying though.

Speaker 1 34:46

So you're in that position. That's a beautiful place to be, to be able to create, and it's still fun and it's still like all of these you're in like business strategy.

Speaker 2 34:54

Yeah, absolutely, it's all strategic right now.

Speaker 1 34:57

I was going to say nothing, but it is something I need. I realize when you reach this like place where everybody knows your name, people know who you are you're always in another city doing something with somebody, somebody seen on tv. People don't check in on you. No more.

Speaker 1 35:12

My phone don't ring don't nobody call me to check up on me. Everyone's everyone assumes I'm always busy and another thing I realized is that people don't get you gifts anymore. Nobody buys you gifts, man. I haven't received a gift in I don't know how long. I want gifts.

Speaker 1 35:26

It's stuff I like. It's a. It's a jacket that I like really badly and I'm not going to buy it for myself because it's a three hundred dollar jacket and I know we're going to have a dumb ass three hundred dollar bill pop up. So I don't spend the money because I'm afraid of unforeseen bills like I don't know, your daughter hurting her foot and having some type of weird thing done that costs a couple thousand dollars that you didn't see coming, or your car deciding that it needs four thousand dollars worth of service out of nowhere. The unforeseen expenses are crazy. So I don't spend money on myself. I haven't bought clothes in a long time. I just take really good care of the stuff I got. I want gifts. I want, I think care will like this, even if it's not big. It just I've never been a person to really want gifts in my life.

Speaker 2 36:08

I think I'm there now. Yeah, hey, I want to talk, in that you are allowed to change your mind.

Speaker 1 36:12

You are allowed.

Speaker 2 36:14

Ooh, that's another bar and I feel like that's a whole nother conversation.

Speaker 1 36:17

What that is.

Speaker 2 36:18

That you're allowed to change your mind.

Speaker 1 36:19

That's my mantra.

Speaker 2 36:20

I think a lot of times. But even in relationships like the thing or like just how people are when we first kind of get together, yeah, they're going to change.

Speaker 1 36:28

I'm allowed to be a different person with time you're allowed to wake up and be like.

Speaker 2 36:31

You know, I don't like red, no more.

Speaker 1 36:32

I want blue now yeah, this don't work for me, no more, and I know I made a big fuss about it real talk my bad homes. But this is what it is now and I'll be patient with you as you adjust. If you'll be patient with me as I adjust, I love that. Yeah, I think that's what I need, and it seems mad superficial. I don't think so I mean in my mind, you can't convince me otherwise, yeah.

Speaker 2 36:52

Well, I know last year you were anti this because I saw it in my notes, but it's like I think you should. I think you should have a list on notes that you share with me of just like things that you want. Remember, I made a Christmas list and then you thought I was ridiculous. Yes, I went back on it and this was in 2022, I think or maybe it was 2023. But I got to go back and look at the date but I put all the things that I wanted from last year. I think it was like seven things. Out of those seven things, I got three of those things this year. It was like headphones, it was like a camera to shoot the vlog and I just ended up using the old camera, like, I think, putting those things down so that, like, the people who love you, aka me, can look at it, so that when, when it is a good week and we got a couple extra dollars, I can go ahead that makes me feel so weird.

Speaker 1 37:35

It makes sense. It makes sense, but that I don't know. That makes me feel weird. It's just counterproductive because it's, I know, you know how, expecting you to just last thing I want to do is get you something that you don't want. Man, that's how I feel. Merry Christmas and birthday for you.

Speaker 2 37:49

But that's why I said let's.

Speaker 1 37:51

Yeah, okay, I'll work on that. I'm not. I hate that idea right now. I think it's brilliant, but I hate the idea for me. I do I ain't going to hold you.

Speaker 2 37:58

I hate the idea, but you right no-transcript me until I tell you that I'm okay. And then the friend was like okay, bet, and she did that and I think that, like in those kinds of situations, I could have totally see it go left. You don't ever say anything, this friend doesn't show up for you, and now y'all have a strained friendship because nobody communicated or you told the friend what you needed. They didn't see how serious it was and they didn't do it. And now you feel like you know, stabbed in the back or whatever. But I think that maybe with me, with your friends, with the people in your lives, maybe having that conversation again I know you've had it before- yeah, I've told my friends that hey, I need you to call me every week please.

Speaker 1 39:07

I'm not doing OK.

Speaker 2 39:08

Yeah and just like, but continuing if these are people that you know you care about and like giving grace to them, because maybe it takes a couple of times for them to take it seriously. Maybe it takes them seeing you in a little.

Speaker 1 39:20

Is this general advice or advice for me? Ok, got it.

Speaker 2 39:22

General, whether they see you in a little moment, but like getting more comfortable saying those things out loud yeah, because I can really hope I can tell you.

Speaker 1 39:30

I told my friends that and I didn't know what response I was gonna get. But yeah, that's that's. That's a conversation about needs. Damn, that was that wasn't as hard to have as I thought it would be I didn't think it would be hard.

Speaker 2 39:43

Yeah, I did I thought it'd be hard.

Speaker 1 39:44

I thought it would be hard for me. You're a little bit better at being vocal.

Speaker 2 39:48

I'm the complete opposite. I thought it would be better for you because you've been talking about like I guess this is kind of shifting in a different direction, but for somebody who spends so much time talking about mental health and stuff like that, like it's always shocking is the wrong word is the wrong word.

Speaker 2 40:09

it's always interesting to me to hear about the things that you struggle with mental health wise, versus like how you're a huge advocate of mental health, how you're a huge advocate for my mental health, how you're a huge advocate for our girls mental health. So when you come back and you say that you've been struggling with things, it's always like wow, really emotions are the great equalizer.

Balancing Responsibilities in Marriage

Speaker 1 40:26

I don't care how much knowledge you have about something, once you start feeling emotions, it compromises the way you attack it every single time. Emotions are the great equalizer If I can tell you exactly how to fix all of your problems in your life. But I can't fix those problems in my life the same way. One, because I'm too close to it, so too much is in my blind spot. Close to it, so too much is in my blind spot. And two, I'm emotionally invested in my own life and my emotions hijack my thinking, just like they hijack her thinking, just like they hijack your thinking. That's what emotions do. So I'm yeah, I. I find it funny that people think I don't struggle with stuff in my life. Like bro, I got depression too, like it's. You think I'm exempt because I know a lot about depression. I know how to treat it. Nah, depression got hands and it fights me all the time. I be getting my ass beat. It's not different for me because I have a different skill set. But yeah, I'm a human. I struggle with the same things.

Speaker 2 41:20

Y'all struggle with the great equalizer. The great equalizer, that's real yeah. Shout out to denzel washington. What is, I feel like? Okay, let me preface this by saying I really appreciate everything that you um share with me about how I people think that we don't talk like this.

Speaker 1 41:38

We talk like this all the time I just thought about this sound I talk the way that I write yeah, it's so funny because I can see somebody watching this be like they know damn well they don't talk like that teleprompter. Yes teleprompter?

Speaker 2 41:48

Yes, I do, and it's so annoying, like I be reading my text messages to my friends. I'm like, why do you sound like a freaking like square, like what's wrong with you?

Speaker 1 41:56

I love when people think we not real we put it on for the camera.

Speaker 2 42:01

We are nerds, man Nah let them think we to say is, like, I really do appreciate everything that you were saying about, like how I take on too much, and with motherhood specifically, and I agree with you, I don't feel stretched thin as far as like the tasks in life, but I do feel stretched thin in motherhood and I definitely want to take some of the things off of my mommy plate and put them into the no amy plate, and I really want to do that going into the new year, um, but I do want, like, and because I feel like I do have bandwidth. I do have bandwidth. It's just unevily, unevily distributed, um, but I want to be able to take something else off of your plate off of my plate.

Speaker 1 42:45

Yeah in terms of what? Yeah, in terms of what.

Speaker 2 42:47

Just anything, anything that you need to kind of get you to a place where things aren't as heavy.

Speaker 2 42:51

Because this is the thing, like in a marriage yeah, you got to deal with your own stuff, you got to deal with your stuff with your children, but I feel like if you continuously look at yourself as an individual in your marriage and not loads more often, that it can lead to us separating in a lot of places.

Speaker 2 43:08

So if there is something that's on your plate, like something small, that's like, babe, like you handle the gas bill, like you make sure that, like make sure I don't forget to pay the gas, like something, something simple for me, for example, like the, the tuition, our private school tuition. It stresses me out because for some reason I forget that it comes out every month. Like in every month around the 15th, I'm always like, damn, the, the bill, you know what I mean and it gives me so much stress, even though it's not really stressful. We know that it's coming. So, like one thing that I would tell you that I would need you to take off of my plate is like checking in with certain bills, like, hey, babe, did we pay that bill, or do we pay the amex? Or do we do this because, like, when I get the email, when I get the phone call, I shut down?

Speaker 1 43:50

damn, I just asked you.

Speaker 2 43:51

We paid the amex but it was helpful because I was like I thought I was on your ass.

Speaker 2 43:56

No, it was in my calendar and we didn't talk about it be like that but then I feel bad because I should have been on top of it and that's my responsibility. But anytime I come to you and I'm like babe, I forgot it was supposed to be two days ago. You don't ever trip on me because you understand that it's a human. We got mad stuff that we're dealing with but, like, those extra touch points are helpful.

Speaker 1 44:19

OK, because I didn't know that that's, that's.

Speaker 2 44:21

I didn't know that until this morning.

Speaker 1 44:25

I got no problem with that whatsoever.

Speaker 2 44:29

So I don't want you to think that because I'm so stretched thin that I can't handle more things, it's, I'm just stretched thin in one kind of area yeah, I think I am doing too much in motherhood I don't think you can't handle things.

Speaker 1 44:39

That's, that's not the way I see it. I think you uh, yeah, I think motherhood is the area that's smashing you. I I always say I told my, my barber, I can't be a good father, a good husband, consistent in the gym, consistent with social media content and a good businessman at the same time and have good mental health. I can't do those six things all at the same time. I can only do three very well, so I do those three in rotation.

Speaker 1 45:02

I can't I ain't been in the gym in three months. I feel horrible, but my kid's good, my wife's good, my mental health is returning back to a place that I actually love. Business is doing good, so it's. I focus on the things I can focus on and I just I discard the idea that I can have and do everything. I know that makes us feel good as humans. You can do it all. If that's what you feel, go for it. That ain't my reality. I can't have it all. I can't do it all. If that's the way you feel, go for it. That ain't my reality. I can't have it all. I can't do it all. And if I can't, I can't do it. Well, so I just try to try to focus on the things that are most easily accessible to me in the moment and I go from there. Man, I think fatherhood is about this, about to be yeah, it's about to turn up on me, because my baby's seven and she got real human needs. Now it's getting, it's getting heavy over here.

Speaker 2 45:52

So okay, can I take off of your plate?

Speaker 1 45:56

she's holding my hand y'all, I love him um, and it's a lot.

Speaker 2 46:00

There's a lot that you don't see that he does behind the scenes I don't, I don't know.

Speaker 1 46:04

Babe, I need a minute with that because I can't think you do a lot like, yeah, I do a lot, you do a lot, it's you do the little test?

Speaker 2 46:08

I don't know, babe, I need a minute with that because I can't think you do a lot.

Speaker 1 46:09

Yeah, I do a lot for you. You do a lot. You do the little tasks. I don't want to have to worry about giving a speech and also have to worry about if my meetings are running into each other the next day. Like Noemi, I don't have an assistant right now and Noemi is filling the gap for my assistant and the reason that she makes it so hard is because if I have an assistant, they don't know our family schedule, like I had a meeting about my book. I don't want to bore y'all, but y'all here, so here we go.

Speaker 1 46:34

I had a meeting about my book yesterday and we realized we're not going to meet again until the beginning of the year. So I was like, hey, y'all, let's get another meeting on the calendar. She was like, bet, let's get another meeting on, let's do friday, all right, cool. I said friday one o'clock. I talked to my team. I don't handle my own schedule. Talk to my team because I'm gonna mess that up whole time. No way. Soon as she got on the phone, knowing nope, he can't do that time because we got something friday, my assistant might not know that it'll be that plug then. So, like you, taking away administrative, I don't want to have to think about giving a speech in front of 10,000 people and then have to worry about whether or not it makes sense for other logistics that are going on around me when that's something that's easy for you to do.

Speaker 2 47:16

It's quick and you love doing it, I love to do it.

Speaker 1 47:18

You love doing it, man, and she told me don't ever take that away from me. So I'm going to have to get an assistant assistant at some point. But just like, if you continue to do that, that's helpful. Yeah, like that's helpful. That's very, very helpful. And also not fight me on the ways. I want to push in and help you, because when you're less stressed, I'm less stressed I'm better you're way better.

Speaker 1 47:38

I mean she pick up and drop off the kids from school and stuff. Like, hey, babe, will me dropping the kids off tomorrow help you? And no one will go. I mean, I guess and i'm't f*** it, I guess it ain't going to help that much, I ain't going to do it.

Speaker 2 47:50

But now I'm like, hey, I'm dropping the kids off tomorrow and I was like babe, it's so helpful when you do that, and now the whole schedule is different. That works.

Speaker 1 47:57

It works and now we worked it out. We worked it out. So talk to your partners think that's helpful for me.

Reflecting on Relationship Progress

Speaker 2 48:04

That's what you can do for me right now, so I feel like we're in a good spot.

Speaker 1 48:08

Yeah, into the new year, yeah, yeah, yeah I felt like we were in a good spot, I feel yeah, I was.

Speaker 2 48:14

I felt encouraged about it.

Speaker 1 48:16

No, I've been thinking about it a lot. Yeah, I felt like we were in a good spot, and I hope that you all are in a good spot, either in your relationship with your partner, or your relationship with yourself, or maybe even your relationship with parenthood, or just being an adult. I don't know where you are, but give us some comments below. Tell us where you are with things. Tell us what you're looking forward to by the time this drop. I don't know when it's going to be we probably shouldn't mention times, but I don't care nobody cares.

Speaker 1 48:41

You might see this in october 2026 who knows, but um we thank y'all for tuning in today, man, as we kind of work through some of our thoughts. We hope that this was helpful to you and the way that you kind of navigate in life as a human. Make sure you hit the notification button so that you can know of all of our posts as soon as they post, and make sure you hit that subscribe button as well, because that's how we know you family for real.

Speaker 2 49:06

You got anything to add? No, that was great. Happy New Year. We're definitely in a new button as well, because that's how we know you family for real. You got anything to add? No, that was great. Happy new year. We're definitely in a new year. We don't know what year it is, but happy new year.