Love in Social Media Age

Speaker 1 0:00

Welcome back to the sit down talk podcast, where the content is like your aunt when she's drunk at the family reunion. It's mildly inappropriate, it's wildly entertaining. But you know it's about to be some facts up in there, Hehehehe that's the best analogy.

Speaker 2 0:13

This week we're gonna get real about how social media messes with our relationships.

Speaker 1 0:17

Man does it.

Speaker 2 0:19

So we swapped phones and listen the stuff that we found. It's wild, yeah, and definitely a little bit unexpected. So, from the weird to the wonderful, we're gonna dive into how our feeds impact our vibes and views on each other. So kick back, hit play and let's get into navigating love in the age of social media.

Speaker 1 0:38

Enjoy the episode y'all. Today we have probably my favorite sit down talk topic.

Speaker 2 0:45

It is his favorite.

Speaker 1 0:47

In a long time and it's about social media for the most part, but more specifically it's about how social media plays with the way that we think inside of our relationships and we're also at the end of the sit down talk, we're gonna exchange phones and we're gonna go through each other's timeline just to see how different it is. I know for a lot of couples out there, looking at your partner's phone is a no-no. Even the idea of this is crazy to some people. So hopefully there's start some conversations that need to be had and opens up some grace for some folks to really build on in relationship and making as strong as it could be. So Noemi and I were talking as we so often do, and one of the things we were talking about is echo chambers. I walked down one time and I asked her because you know the relationship, we try to make it as safe of a space as possible. I said, babe, do you get all these booty pages on your social media? And her eyes open wide.

Speaker 2 1:40

That's not how that happened.

Speaker 1 1:41

My brother. What do you mean?

Speaker 2 1:44

What do you mean?

Speaker 1 1:44

You didn't ask me that I didn't ask you in that way, nah, but that was like the overarching question, because why are you all these booties on your? Timeline. Why so many? I saw so much ass on your timeline, bro Like that was a lot Like it was on.

Speaker 2 1:58

It was on TikTok. I didn't see that much. I didn't see it for real on like Instagram, but definitely on TikTok. Yeah, and remember you, you tried to do like the social media cleanse thing where you tried to follow a whole bunch of like, like non-stereotypically men, whatever, just to see if it'll change.

Speaker 1 2:15

The booties just kept showing up Still was getting cheeks crazy in my timeline and it's such a wild thing to talk about out loud because as soon as you say that, the first thing people say is that the algorithm knows what you like that's because you watch too many booty pages. But that's not true for me. I don't be watching the booty pages, but my timeline is full of them and I asked no way, man, she like dog. I don't have any of that.

Speaker 2 2:37

Yeah, I didn't realize there was so much ass on social media. Like I really didn't realize that all of my content is like mom stuff, mompreneur stuff, I mean it's really just mom stuff, that's all. I get.

Speaker 1 2:50

And fashion. It orient you that way. Do you watch a lot of fashion content?

Speaker 2 2:53

No, I'm not a fashion girl. I definitely will say that I listen to like, or at least I engage with, mom content, not like serious stuff, but like the funny videos about like kids doing stupid stuff like that, but like it's beauty everywhere. And it's like I don't go on social media to look at like makeup or to get makeup tips, like I'm just I don't look at social media for like clothes and outfit inspiration, so I don't know why it shows up so prevalently on my social media, but the mom stuff definitely makes sense.

Speaker 1 3:26

So that raises an interesting question to me Is it that we're being fed content that the computer system, the algorithms think that we like, or is it stereotyping us because your content probably points to where you be in the mom?

Speaker 2 3:42

Yep.

Speaker 1 3:43

The only content I really in like, the content I enjoy most on social media is like animals, cars, like stereotypically manly stuff and I want to be in like booty pages fall under that category I think so, and I think that's why it feeds them yeah, yeah. So and that kind of made us think about echo chambers, and if why don't you break down what an echo chamber is?

Speaker 1 4:03

So an echo chamber and essence is a space that just repeats and throws back at you the things that you already think, feel and believe. Now, that's a wonderful thing, because who doesn't want to see the things that they like, have their sensibilities and their likes reflected back at them? But the problem with the echo chamber is that growth only happens when you're exposed to ideas that aren't your own, that challenge your longstanding beliefs. That's how you grow.

Speaker 2 4:31

That's the key word challenge. I was just about to say that I didn't realize you were gonna say the whole definition.

Speaker 1 4:36

Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 4:38

Like that's the key, like you don't have anything that challenges how you already think. You don't have anything that challenges like the reality that you see. So I think a lot of times, when people kind of stay in these social media specific echo chambers, they don't realize that there are other perspectives to like a problem. So like, let's say, the parenting concept. One of the biggest things that prompted this conversation was, you know, we were looking at the way that, you know, like the funny mom content where it's like the trope of the worthless husband that doesn't really do anything.

Speaker 1 5:11

Yeah, we talk about that here a lot.

Speaker 2 5:12

Yeah, but like I don't see a lot of that content. So I remember, like when we would talk about the way that we might be portrayed online or like moms and dads may be portrayed online, that was a disconnect, because I feel like you came from a place like social media, really be playing with fathers and like, while I agree with you, I just didn't see that. I thought I thought we were in a different side of the fight, not realizing that, like that type of content isn't content that I necessarily engage with, because that's not my reality.

Speaker 2 5:38

You know, and I don't think that that's the reality of a lot of my friends. So, like I said, that was my you know social media echo chamber, because I didn't see that that was a problem.

Speaker 1 5:47

The funny thing is you never really know what, what your friend's worldview is. Yeah, that's true, because there's a shame thing. Like we got to be honest, if we're in a time where one of the ways that we get people to act right is through shame and social ridicule whether it gets the job done, whether it's to the point of something that needs to happen, like making sure that there's gender equity or making sure that there's racial equity like there is shame on the other side of that, that's the mechanism that makes people change their behavior. If you do a thing, if you say a word in the 1900s, that ain't cool now. The reason you don't say it now because there's shame and there is negative reinforcement. Like there's negative reinforcement. That's how humans learn. Oh, I'm not supposed to do that. So with the echo chamber thing, it works two ways, cause I was bringing these things, I was presenting these things to her that are all down my timeline. I talk about it here a lot like the mom content, like oh, oh.

Speaker 2 6:41

Men and husbands are useless. Why not do that voice?

Speaker 1 6:44

That's because it is, and not to undermine that, because there are so many men in relationships that do not pull their weight, those women have the right to be frustrated and the right to talk about that. But I mean, like it is overwhelming. And then, when you read the comments, it's just I agree, I agree, I agree, I agree, I agree. And then there'll be one person that's not all of us. What happens to that person when they say that they get smoked? And it's the same thing with men content all that red pill content as well. Sure.

Speaker 2 7:12

I also think that that's so interesting because remember I don't remember the exact post, but there was a post that Kira and I were looking at and the comments that were pulling up on his page and the comments that were pulling up on my page for the same post were different. They were different so that's why, when you're like, all these women agree, I don't see that, and those aren't the comments that pull and not and that is not to negate that the situation is happening.

Speaker 2 7:35

It's just that I'm sure if I look at all of the comments and decide to go through all of them, I'll have a more like holistic view of what the comments say. But you know how, like Instagram, just pulls up the most relevant comment for like a very popular post. I just thought that was the strangest thing.

Speaker 1 7:51

I think it is very strange. With that, I also recognize that my mind was falling into this trap that perhaps yours falls into, and I want you to tell me in the comments below if you feel like this is within, like your brain's wheelhouse, where I see that content on my page a lot and then I believe that that's representative of how all people in the world think, feel and believe so then for all I know, this could just be like 3000 of a couple hundred billion people who feel this way, and it's a small but very vocal minority. So one thing we want to talk about today is just sifting through the different social media parts and how it plays in our relationship. I've noticed that it plays into other people's relationships. Why are you liking this page? Why are you liking this content? Why are you sending me this content? Because people listen. Yeah, a dude has sent his girl something like one of those like a woman's job is to be in the kitchen and take care of her man.

Speaker 2 8:48

Like you need to think more like this, oh you haven't seen those yet, but this is what I will. I haven't, but people are starting to make comments in our like our posts about the sit down talk, coming back talking about the misogynistic podcast, and I hear that all the time.

Speaker 1 9:02

But baby I wouldn't even know how to find you don't even know they exist. That's crazy, that's insane to me, man.

Speaker 2 9:07

If you know of one, you can like DM me. You don't have to like publicly, like comment it down below. But I want to hear what these men are talking about.

Speaker 1 9:15

It's not just men. There are about two or three women that are becoming very popular in that space as well.

Speaker 2 9:20

I will say that I've seen a couple of those like social media, like how to get your man to pay all the bills and make you a stay at home, like you know what I mean. Like I just remember, like seeing, I haven't seen a lot so I can't say that there are a lot of them out there, but I just remember being shocked, like I thought it was a joke and then I looked at it and it's like oh, it's not no judgment, it was just shocking, that's all.

Speaker 1 9:44

Nah, yeah, no judge. Yeah, I know how we are.

Speaker 2 9:46

It's no judgment, I'm pretty much a stay at home mom, depending on who's telling my story. So like I get it, but it was just like oh, so we just out there, out there with it, okay, cool, I guess you know, moving on, it's hard to be non-judgmental.

Speaker 1 10:00

It's okay. If it's hard for you to be non-judgmental. Humans judge.

Speaker 2 10:04

That's how you know the difference between a kitty cat and a lion If it looks scary, it might be and recognize what you're being. It's okay to be judgmental as long as you recognize it and you don't let it control your next move. You know what I mean.

Speaker 1 10:14

You don't let it control the way you see people in their totality Got it. I think that's a good look, that's a bar.

Speaker 2 10:20

So let's talk about how it affected our relationship and then we can go into how it could affect other people, like other ways that it could affect. Did it affect our relationship?

Speaker 1 10:26

Early on.

Speaker 2 10:27

I think it affects it now, not in a hugely negative way or anything, but I think it's more of when we sit here we discuss what we want to talk about on social media, topics for the sit-down talk, concepts for our social media posts. I am feeling a tinge of resentment. But it's just you wanting to really showcase active fathers and I just remember that shift and I'm like where does that come from? Everybody knows you're an active father. Dads are dating better now than ever. I just remember not understanding why you felt the need to really push that until I started looking at your feet and you started telling me about these dad bashing posts and stuff. It was just never something that I'm like. I wouldn't think for that to be something that we would push so hard on. So I wouldn't say it affected our relationship, but it did make me think what messages are you being fed on social media? Because it just felt when we would have conversations, it just felt like you felt so strongly about it.

Speaker 1 11:33

I don't think that was singularly social media, though it's also the reinforcement of the negative stereotypes, and I took can I keep it? A buck? There's a part of me that resents, and I shared this with you before, but I never shared this with y'all.

Speaker 2 11:46

I didn't want to say the word resents, it's okay.

Speaker 1 11:48

It's okay because it's true. There's a part of me that resents how popular I am for being a good father. It feels minimizing of a lot of men who are amazing fathers. It feels token-ish sometimes. Look at this healthy man. There's no healthy men. He's the only one that exists. Look at him, he's right here. How do we fix men and get them like you? I'm like, oh yeah, I hate that. No me, that's nasty. I understand why, I understand why, but I don't like it. I also don't like when men approach me like how do I get my woman to? And it's something manipulative and they don't own the part where they're taking ownership of a person like a possession and they're trying to curate a future for them, not considering what she thinks is an individual beyond the relationship. Yeah, it's yeah, man Taking it there.

Speaker 2 12:36

All right, we're going there, we're going there.

Speaker 1 12:40

I hate to do the gender thing, but men and women do such nasty shit to each other on the internet. Both sides are so tribal and so stuck that they're like no, I'm not giving any weight, Everything you do is wrong, Everything I do is virtuous and fine. It's like no, no, there's middle ground that needs to be discussion around and discussion about.

Speaker 2 12:57

So just imagine, like him and I are having this conversation, so he's coming from that place and I'm coming from a place where it's like we support women. You know what I mean? My husband is everything. We're a team, we're a partner. So I'm like damn, like you're really mad, like what am I not seeing? And it's not even like invalidating, like that's not true, but it's just like I mean you spit in facts, like we overhearing the sunshine and rainbows and shit.

Speaker 1 13:23

Like what's going on, remember you were just watching something about the color purple and I was watching Danielle I can't remember her last name but she plays Oprah's character from the original movie and I was watching the story and she crying and Oprah crying. I'm like, damn, it must feel good to be a woman and have like that black community, especially a black woman, have that community empowerment. She walking to a room okay sis, okay shoes, okay dress, orange Like it's an entire culture of support and I think I knew about the orange.

Speaker 2 13:57

I'm out here. We look good, go ahead.

Speaker 1 14:00

And I feel like on our side, when I look at men's content or when I'm in the community of men, it isn't all negative. When I look at men's content, it's a lot of like get it out the mud. It's a lot of individualistic thinking and it's not as much community I can. Men and women are culturalized different, like in terms of community. Women build community for safety For men. Men don't need community for safety. We need community for other things that we're now discovering. We need community for.

Speaker 2 14:28

What would you say? That is.

Speaker 1 14:29

The thing I noticed about men with community is men need to hear other men say that. This is my experience, so they don't feel alone or stupid in the way that they feel there are so many men that like for validation.

Speaker 1 14:40

Yeah, they invalidate their own feelings and the world around them does a great job of invalidating their feelings too. But they invalidate their own feelings before they even get to think about it, cause I shouldn't even think that that's stupid, that's sweet. Why am I jealous? And you feel so bad and so guilty and so stupid and weak for being jealous that you don't explore the why, where it comes from, how do I minimize it? How do I fix it? Cause you're too busy thinking that jealousy is a bad thing, or it's a feminine trait, or it's beneath or beyond you that you don't acknowledge the truth that's in front of you. Listen, a man's mind can be a prison with the way that we're culturalized here.

Speaker 2 15:16

That makes me so sad.

Speaker 1 15:17

It does.

Speaker 2 15:17

It's a sad reality and I don't know it, I just yes, we're straying, but I feel like in this particular case, it's necessary.

Speaker 1 15:24

Go off, sis.

Speaker 2 15:26

It makes me like sad, legit, legit sad. My heart kind of broke a little bit just hearing what you were saying, because this isn't the first time that you talked about how good it is to be a black woman specifically and what that support looks like. Look at District Motherhood, look at the community that I've built just from the other, like mom bloggers and vloggers and social media influencers Most of them I ain't never meet before.

Speaker 2 15:51

We got friends on friends on friends on friends, but I feel like if I were to pull up in that city, I could you know what I mean. I feel a genuine connection to women because we're all seeking that connection and I don't even have to seek validation, because the validation is part of the present.

Speaker 1 16:07

It's in the package. Yeah, it's in the package.

Speaker 2 16:09

It comes free with the package, and this is a vulnerable moment for me too. I don't know that I've ever really sat down and considered what that would feel like for a man, given the way that black men, specifically, are socialized, given the way that black men, specifically are invalidated in their emotions and what you said right now. They don't even give themselves a chance to feel it, because I'm not supposed to feel it. They don't even sit and be like well, why am I feeling that? Or where could it come from? Or maybe even like maybe I'm not the only one feeling this way. I've never been in a situation as a black woman where I felt like I was the only one feeling that way. I know I got somebody to relate to me. I know I could find somebody that I can talk to and it's just like dang. That's something that I'm realizing, that I take for granted as a woman, as a black woman, because I have that. I have never felt like I didn't have that and I don't know what it feels like to not have that.

Speaker 1 17:04

Well, yeah, and I think it's incumbent on men to build these spaces. It's not women's job to do it. You know what I'm saying? It's incumbent on men to build these spaces Of course, it still made me sad.

Speaker 2 17:14

I think that there's progress in the ability to acknowledge that that's a thing, because I think that's been a thing with the fight between us.

Speaker 1 17:23

The fight the war, the fight, the diverges of sensibilities, the diverges of sensibilities, but the misunderstanding between black men and black women. I think misunderstanding is being too nice. I would say fight. I'm not trying to change your mind, that's just my characterization of what's going on.

Speaker 2 17:37

It is a fight, but it don't have to be a fight.

Speaker 1 17:39

Yes, it does, absolutely has to be a fight. Because, no, I hear you idealistically it does, it does not have to be a fight, you're right.

Speaker 2 17:48

I'm like a supreme optimist and it's just very hard for me to see the sad realities of things.

Speaker 1 17:53

And that's where he comes in and O'Aimee also has the I don't want to say esteem privilege, but it's the only thing I can think of.

Speaker 1 18:00

It's okay, the esteem privilege of having a world that started off pretty small and that she's gradually building out. You're a very nice person, but if you're not her friend, she probably not going to hang out with you. The people that you hang out with, I feel like if you do hang out, if they can actually pull you out from chilling by yourself you know what I'm saying Because we love us so much time but it's and by us I mean me time.

Speaker 1 18:27

What I mean is you not beat for friends? I'm not. You're not just going to pick somebody and become incident besties. Your threshold is a lot deeper. Between the time I meet you and the time I consider you a friend we have straight way too far off. Let's get this joint back on the road. But that does speak to echo chambers, though, because your friend groups and the people you choose to hang around are a version of an echo chamber, but with social media it's spanned out through millions and millions of people.

Speaker 2 18:51

So it's even more validation of your ideas, because it's not just your friends agreeing with you, it's everybody on social media.

Speaker 1 18:57

And it feels good to be agreed with. It. Feels good to be right. That is one essential thing to be in human. It feels good to be agreed with it and it feel like you're correct.

Speaker 2 19:06

Do you feel like I know you mentioned this a couple minutes earlier when we were talking about how these social media echo chambers I mean just social echo chambers in general affected our relationship. I kind of talked about the whole dad bashing thing and I feel like you mentioned something about maybe in the past, because I really want to talk about how not only it affects our viewpoints and our morals and values in our relationship, but also the actual relationship.

Speaker 1 19:32

Yeah, I mean back in the day you definitely put me on like hey, I know that you like this picture. I know what you bought the gun to. Oh, Lord Jesus.

Social Media Expectations in Relationships

Speaker 2 19:42

Do we want to be vulnerable today? Let's do it. Wait, are we talking about Voldemort?

Speaker 1 19:50

That's such a wild name.

Speaker 2 19:52

Oh my God, it's from Harry Potter.

Speaker 1 19:55

I don't watch it. I'm not a Harry Potter guy.

Speaker 2 19:57

Voldemort and our relationship is she who shall not be named. Honestly, I don't even remember the girl name anymore.

Speaker 1 20:02

I be struggling sometimes when I'm trying to think of.

Speaker 2 20:05

You couldn't pay me to get her name right now, don't remind me.

Speaker 1 20:07

I won't but.

Speaker 2 20:08

I remember.

Speaker 1 20:09

It's just.

Speaker 2 20:09

what's funny is, we can laugh about this now, but you said the same, because I'm going to sound petty if I do.

Speaker 1 20:15

Where do I start? There's a dude somewhere watching this, like wait a minute, him too.

Speaker 2 20:20

Yes, yeah, we can laugh about it. Yes, me too, you really can man when I tell you. Let me just say it affected us for so many years. It is not that serious of a situation for it to have affected me in the way that it did, but, oh my God, this is the first time that we're talking about it. Onerability.

Speaker 1 20:41

So, look, there was this woman I was talking to before I met Noa A and, long story short, she and I were talking about it in a relationship, me and this young woman. I took a picture with her and I posted it onto my Instagram. I posted it and at the time she was like yo, you're not posting me, which, in retrospect, he had a rule about not posting.

Speaker 2 21:04

You're right, you know.

Speaker 1 21:06

But you're looking back, you were right and it does look bad shady. So we went to an event and we took a picture and I posted a picture with her and I put it on my Instagram.

Speaker 2 21:16

Posted it.

Speaker 1 21:18

And I didn't think nothing of it, no matter how crazy that sounds. But she was like yo, we were legit, we go together, bro. We weren't official.

Speaker 2 21:26

Yeah, but it was as officially could be before you became official. It was just a matter of time.

Speaker 1 21:30

That it was a sentence without the punctuation and I had no answer. The reason I wasn't posting her at the time is because when you're dating somebody I don't know if women is the same way, but with a dude, when you're dating somebody and you're dating a lot of somebodies and then it's a period when you start taking your person seriously and then you only seeing your person, that gap is not going to make sense to a lot of the people who was seeing you when you was out in the streets. So if I post her, it's like bling, oh, who that? That's why you couldn't answer the phone, oh, that's why I haven't heard from you. And then there will be an attempt to sabotage this thing. That I think is going really well. Her expectation was that I share her on social media like I shared the other girl, which makes sense at the time. People want to vote you for that man.

Speaker 2 22:14

Exactly what you just said. You said bling, who that? So in my head when I saw that, I was like, oh, that's why you don't want to post me.

Speaker 2 22:20

That's why you had made and I'm not going to go into detail. You had made a post about her like right around the time that we met, no expectation of whatever, so that was like a year prior. Insinuating the caption was something funny, but it came across as this is somebody you really want to beat with. So to see her reposted to me, I was just like oh, oh, she reposted. No, to see you post her again.

Speaker 1 22:42

Oh see her reposted on my page, See what I mean.

Speaker 2 22:44

That was the only other person that you had posted again. It was just like oh, that's the reason why me and him are not serious, because it looked like it was serious before and now you posted her again. And then, remember, you told me nothing ever happened with y'all, and now it did. And I'm like what? Oh yeah, I felt like I was being played and lied to. Yeah, you know what I mean, but for you it was just like it's social media. It's not that deep. For me, it's social media is everything.

Speaker 1 23:11

Yeah, man, I can't believe I'm back. That looks so suspect. I wouldn't have believed me either.

Speaker 2 23:16

Yeah. Yeah, I wouldn't believe that, but I will say, all the events that happened afterwards prove that that relationship actually wasn't that serious, but like it looked that way, it looked that way. It looked that way it did.

Speaker 1 23:34

And I didn't know at the time how to conscientiously not make it look that way the pre-work. But we say all that to say that these expectations were built like social media infiltrated our relationship. We allowed it to. But it's a dominant voice in our culture and if that could do that for us, it could do that for a lot of different people in a way. Well, people who may not have the communicative resources. We have to be able to talk through that thing and come out on the other side with more than just her feelings and anger toward each other.

Speaker 2 24:05

How do you think we got there though?

Speaker 1 24:07

I think we got to know each other. I think if you don't know me and you're just basing me off a generalization of dudes, probably a generalization that's a mix of what you've experienced, what you've talked to your friends about and what you see on social media, and I'm somewhere within that triangulation. I think that makes sense. But once you know me, you know. If you know, I ain't beat for nobody.

Speaker 2 24:27

He ain't beat for nobody.

Speaker 1 24:29

It is never that serious.

Speaker 2 24:31

He'll go a damn for somebody who's a social media influencer. This man don't give a damn about social media. It's just something fun.

Speaker 1 24:38

It's just so funny to me it's a thing to do, man.

Speaker 2 24:41

Yeah, it's a thing to do that you've turned into a career, which is the wildest thing, but it's like Kier was just so, not non-serious in a bad way, but just like he was just having a good time and it wasn't that deep.

Speaker 1 24:53

Young man in your mid-20s vibing man, vibing, vibing, and there's nothing wrong with that.

Speaker 2 24:59

I got to know you. I got to know you and that was the hardest thing, because it's like the evidence says that you a dog, but like you're not, and he ain't nobody ever come to me as a woman. We've been together for like 10 years. I am easy to find. His face is everywhere and it's just like everything that you said was true.

Speaker 1 25:20

So I want nasty note to nobody out here. You know what I'm saying.

Speaker 2 25:23

I do say that all the time.

Speaker 1 25:24

That's why you gotta ask, yeah, but I'm telling the truth, that's what.

Speaker 2 25:27

I'm saying I know you're telling the truth, but it's like a man. When you ask a man like, do you have a girlfriend? No, I always ask a follow up question. Always has to be. Is there anybody out there that? Thank you, their boyfriend. Oh like that's what I mean, let me write that one down.

Speaker 1 25:43

I've never dated a dude before. I don't know about none of this.

Speaker 2 25:45

Dating a dude is hard, man. It's a mental f*** the entire time.

Speaker 1 25:53

That's why I stop commenting when you're like dude. You know they don't. I've never dated a dude. What the hell do I know?

Speaker 2 25:59

Social media, echo chamber. And I'm like, okay, you've never dated a man, you don't know these struggles. I think sometimes you would look at me like ain't no way, it really happened like that.

Speaker 1 26:19

Men don't listen, but you know what I love the inverse. You be like years ago. You be like what, man? Because women don't be doing such a such. And I just look at you and the more you move through the world, oh my God, I was wrong. I was like I know, come on, come on. I know, I know it's cool, I ain't even gonna say I told you so.

Speaker 2 26:38

Ladies, we gotta tighten up.

Speaker 1 26:40

People want people like forever and forever they want people.

Speaker 2 26:44

Okay, so the next part of this, the portion of this podcast blog, wherever you're listening or watching from.

Speaker 1 26:51

VLODcast.

Speaker 2 26:52

VLODcast. So Kira and I, I'm laughing, because why are?

Speaker 1 26:57

you laughing?

Speaker 2 26:58

Because I'm just thinking about, like the arguments that this could potentially start, but like, hear me out before I tell you what this challenge is going to be, because we're in a challenge you to do something, know you and your relationship.

Speaker 1 27:09

Man.

Speaker 2 27:10

Take a second to think about whether this is a good idea for you or not, Because what I don't want is y'all come to me being like. I did what y'all said and it started an argument. Take a step back and evaluate your situation and see if this is a good idea.

Speaker 1 27:24

Can I give them an example of that we?

Speaker 2 27:26

didn't even tell them what the challenge was. Yet Go ahead. Can I get?

Social Media Timeline Comparison

Speaker 1 27:29

this off. Yeah, I know, when you like, you order like a mattress or something online and it comes in a box is this big, like how the hell is a mattress in this box? And then you realize this in a vacuum seal pack and you cut the pack and it goes in, a mattress expands and you realize that you can't put that thing back in that box anymore. Before you do this exercise, know how big the mattress of your relationship is and how small the box of your conversation is and whether or not your relationship can handle that. I don't know if that made sense to you, but it made damn good sense to me.

Speaker 2 28:04

No, it made great sense. I'm just holding my breath because I'm like people are still not going to listen to us, but let's just move on.

Speaker 1 28:11

That's within your power. Fan man.

Speaker 2 28:12

Okay, so we did.

Speaker 1 28:15

That's on you.

Speaker 2 28:17

So Karen and I did a social media like mix up challenge where we gave each other our phones and we allowed each other to like scroll through our timelines just to kind of see like an overview of what we saw.

Speaker 1 28:29

What we noticed, what we noticed. It's a lot of difference.

Speaker 2 28:33

It's completely different. It's like completely different.

Speaker 1 28:37

I encourage you to. If you have a younger friend or family member, or even an older friend or family member, take their phone. Just ask, can I see your timeline?

Speaker 2 28:45

Do the younger one is more fun.

Speaker 1 28:46

Oh, the young timelines be crazy. Wow, that's how I knew I was old. I'm like why is he dressed like that? Oh, okay, I think the fashion changed on me. I didn't realize. Let's do one at a time so we can focus. Let's do yours and then do mine.

Speaker 2 29:01

Okay, okay, you cool with that. Here you scrolls, that way you can stop on the things that are interesting.

Speaker 1 29:06

All right, so I'm about to scroll no, amy's timeline. Should I scroll your for you page? Oh, I've never done that before. You don't do this. No, I don't think this is I'm also going to see all the pimple popping videos.

Speaker 2 29:16

Yo, why are there so?

Speaker 1 29:17

many pimple. No judgment. You didn't even see anything yet. Yeah, I did. I think somebody pulling a-what the f-what is that son?

Speaker 2 29:25

Yo, it's eyebrow. It's like microblading.

Speaker 1 29:29

No, let me-let me-that's an eyebrow transplant.

Speaker 2 29:33

Like eyebrow hair, like filling in hairs for your eyebrows.

Speaker 1 29:35

Does that hurt?

Speaker 2 29:36

I don't know. I've never even seen that before in my life. Oh my gosh, his poor hair. Is that okay? That's her amniotic fluid pouring out like that.

Speaker 1 29:50

This is not-this is not her-. This is not her first baby man. She looked like that is-mmm, oh, you be getting the fish video. Anything like cooking food? Wait a minute, no, okay. So I feel like everybody's timeline is these things. This is just the general for you page.

Speaker 2 30:08

Just go to my timeline. The people that I follow.

Speaker 1 30:10

How do I do that? So we got some Taylor Swift on Buzzfeed Shout out to Taylor Lajaris Love them. Good family content. Looks like some black women empowerment content.

Speaker 2 30:20

Yup Victoria Monet. Yes.

Speaker 1 30:22

Winner her Grammy. Yes, let's go Look at that girl, that dress banger, look, look, black girl Happy for black girl. Yes, look, I know, that's why he says Yup, yeah, that dress like that.

Speaker 2 30:34

She looks so good.

Speaker 1 30:35

Yeah, I'm so happy for her oh good for her man, Tabitha Brown and Drew Barrymore.

Speaker 2 30:39

Same tab All day, every day, you know people be stuffing every damn salmon with everything. You're back. Salmon, stuffed salmon. No, it's shrimp or salmon every time.

Speaker 1 30:48

We gonna clean the oceans. Shout out to Funny Mama Catrice Pedro. Yup, Motherhood is beating my ass. There you go. Pregnancy content. Got some Jessie Wu on threads. Morphic Toyamonet. Black women celebrating Fried chicken no those are fried turkey wings. Oh, y'all like your timeline better than mine already.

Speaker 2 31:08

Let's do three more.

Speaker 1 31:10

Let's do three more.

Speaker 2 31:11

Some Yama.

Speaker 1 31:12

Miami Kids Resort. Elsa looking insanely moisturized. Shout out to the Daily Davisons oh, look at Nova. She was so little. Their kids got so big with family content. So we got a nice little beat for what Noemi's timeline looks like. All right, so that's my joint.

Speaker 2 31:29

Yup, so now we're on Cures Page music content Victoria Monay.

Speaker 1 31:35

I'm making Roselyne. She does a lot of women in power.

Speaker 2 31:37

Yeah, I was about to say self-help type of stuff, summer Walker. Well, considering that the Grammys recently happened, everybody's content is like Grammys.

Speaker 1 31:47

I'm also a huge Summer Walker fan, so that's probably why she popped up on my joint.

Speaker 2 31:51

Therapy stuff, skittin' care. News, sports, sports.

Speaker 1 31:58

Oh, that's hate Tony TV. I think he's hilarious.

Speaker 2 32:01

Oh, thank you. School content yeah.

Speaker 1 32:05

I think she's a little funny without even saying nothing. What's? This that is Rich, fresh. He designs clothes.

Perspectives on Age Differences in Dating

Speaker 2 32:12

Okay, self-care Affirmations. Oh, you got funny, mama too.

Speaker 1 32:19

Probably cause. We both follow her Beats LaRussell. That's rap music. I love LaRussell, that's my dog.

Speaker 2 32:25

Yvonne, yvonne.

Speaker 1 32:26

Shout out, yvonne, this age really mattered when it comes to dating.

Speaker 2 32:31

We just had a similar conversation last night.

Speaker 1 32:36

And I had. Yeah, I talked to my best friend's younger cousin, who I've known since she was my youngest daughter's age and she's 26 now, and we were talking about dating.

Speaker 2 32:44

What was she saying? She's really mature.

Speaker 1 32:48

She's just like she don't like met her age and I was like don't go too old.

Speaker 2 32:53

That's what you said, yeah, why. Because, man, do you feel like that is in line with like what we were talking about last night? I'm not talking about specifics, but like the whole posting of, like younger women.

Speaker 1 33:07

Oh, you see what I mean, I think it's hand in hand, but I think, just historically, how men have been oriented in that just that space, it lends itself to like the predatory grooming thing very often, even though that's not always the story all the time. That's going to be the predominant thing that people think about.

Speaker 2 33:27

When I see like older men, like reposting, like people like Chloe Bailey and stuff, like much older men, I don't know, it just makes me uncomfortable. Like going back to what you said, it's because my mind automatically goes to the predatory type of whatever, even though that's not necessarily what it is, but it does make me uncomfortable, because then it's like, well, like if an older man we're dating like a 21 year old I'm thinking about like my 21 year old cousins. I'm like I just can't see it. I can't see it.

Speaker 1 33:55

I think you're searching for a different thing If you're that age as a man, searching for a woman that young. I think it's not about the woman, it's not about the person I would imagine. But she was talking last night about someone who's like in their 40s, like reposting, like a Chloe Bailey or these younger women, and this is where our perspectives are very different. I think that person was a sit in my session. It'll be a different thing. She had a problem with it. She thought it was creepy. I didn't think it was creepy. She's an adult woman. I don't understand that level of fascination with it, but like the way she looks. You don't see everybody walking down the street like that, so there's some novelty there.

Speaker 2 34:34

I know what it is. I thought about it after, when Keira didn't automatically agree with me.

Speaker 2 34:40

I was like let me think about why I'm feeling that way. And now I know why that was a projection because I just remember being younger. I filled out later in life, so I you know what I mean Just like having like much older men try to talk to me because, like my body made me look older. I wasn't really looked at by guys like that, like I was cute, but I wasn't that girl, you know what I mean. In high school and stuff, like once the end of high school and college began, like that's when I started having boobs and you know curvy, and I felt that like attention from older men was really weird, like I just I did not like it. This is the oldest, the most like age range. Age range as far as like who I dated.

Speaker 1 35:21

I always dated like guys, my three and a half years, about three and some change.

Speaker 2 35:25

And that's not even that much. Three and a half years isn't that much. But like I've never dated anybody more than, like, nine months older than me before, like it was just something about that experience. So like when I see that she's like, oh my God, she must be so uncomfortable no, I was uncomfortable Like it's a me thing. And then also when you think about aging when men age, they become more distinguished, they become more attractive. When women age, just like you're, like an old cat.

Speaker 1 35:49

Oh you saying that's like the perspective out there, it's like a younger woman will always be seen as beautiful.

Speaker 2 35:55

An older man will always be seen as handsome. When you think of like the peaks of expectations, like culturally, as far as like looks go, that's usually what it is Like younger twenties woman and like older forties men, like the salt and pepper and the distinguish, and he has wisdom, you know like think of like Idris Elba like.

Speaker 1 36:16

George Clooney, you know what I mean, this always like an older, you mean like two of the more handsome men to walk the planet.

Speaker 2 36:22

Yeah, but ain't nobody saying that like a woman in her fifties is beautiful, the pinnacle of beauty. When it comes to women, that's never the case.

Speaker 1 36:30

Yeah, rarely, unless it's like Angela Bassett.

Speaker 2 36:32

Like, look at Marilyn Monroe. Came in like what year was it like the fifties and the sixties and changed the whole game.

Speaker 1 36:38

I feel like you ain't really looking at my timeline that long. I feel like you couldn't stand it, like it was just so interesting to you, I feel like I looked through a lot, it just wasn't anything to sit and watch. Yeah, it's not interesting to you.

Speaker 2 36:51

Actually didn't see any booty pages. I think you did a good job at your social media clans.

Speaker 1 36:56

Yo, you know what this whole thing is? Just like a toddler and you try to show people your baby can talk and your baby can say 80 sentences and at that very moment they just sit there and look at you like you're crazy.

Speaker 2 37:05

That happens every time. Well, that just happened to us, for this entire episode.

Speaker 1 37:08

I don't know. I looked at this and I feel like your timeline it wasn't as different from mine as it usually is, but I feel like more of your interest were on your timeline.

Speaker 2 37:17

Yeah, I mean I rarely see things that I'm not interested in, but I also do a really good job at like. If I see something that I don't like, I will tell them, like, don't show me this anymore.

Speaker 1 37:27

I do that all the time. I do that now. I don't do it as much. I didn't do it as much in the past. But you know, when we talk about echo chambers and seeing the things that are reflective, that kind of changed my mind. I think sometimes, not only do we see things that are reflective of what we think, feel and believe, I think this thing tries to guess what we think, feel and believe. It tries to show us. I mean, that's not a guessing, that's nothing, that's a truism, that's not novel.

Speaker 2 37:49

That's how I've realized this word. It's based on trends.

Speaker 1 37:53

The problem is, when it's right, it's great, when it's wrong, it's absolutely horrible. But that is our perspective. Let us know below what's on your social media timeline. What do you see? What do you like? What do you not like? What have you historically been shown Like? Let's make this a conversation and a comment. But we got to go because we got stuff to do in real life. Make sure you hit the notification button so that you can know of all of our posts as soon as they post. Also, make sure you subscribe. I appreciate the watch, but we need you to subscribe so that we know you are present there. Yeah, man, it feels so good to be back on the sit down. Talk. We love y'all. We love this. Let's keep this party going.

Speaker 2 38:29

What was that what?

Speaker 1 38:30

That's how Blow the bubbly. I think that was the humidifier All my stomach. Who could tell let's eat Y'all, be well, we catch y'all next time.